BARRHEAD – There is a newly formed support group called MenToR which offers a way for men in toxic relationships to connect to other men with the same experience.
“I can't be the only one that has this problem and is looking for help, so I started a Facebook group,” said organizer Darren Lee.
Lee has also organized in-person meetings at the Barrhead FCSS every third Wednesday of the month at 7 p.m. for anyone who wants to talk.
Lee has connections with counsellors and lawyers for recommendations but says it is not just about that.
He personally lived in a toxic relationship and could have really benefited from just having someone going through the same thing to talk to.
Lee says there are stigmas with a lot of men that they don’t need help, but he says men also feel trapped in these types of relationships and don’t know what to do.
Lee had tried to reach out to the few support groups in Edmonton but did not receive a reply when he needed it most.
He said he turned to a food addiction to cope when others might turn to alcohol, drugs, gambling or other destructive habits.
Food did not help his situation but talking to someone else would have made all the difference.
Lee thought a Facebook group might be a good start because people can join and get information without having to come face-to-face with anyone.
He said some men may not even recognize that they are in a toxic relationship.
“You might be in an abusive relationship if your partner has three "I"s: Do they Interrogate, isolate, and intimidate?” said Lee.
Lee said that men struggle with not wanting their family or friends to know what they are going through and feel there was no one to turn to.
He says that men are in survival mode while in the relationship and really didn’t have the time to do the research to help themselves.
This is part of the reason he started this group.
“If I can help one person, it’s worth it,” stated Lee.
He feels that just being there to listen can be all someone who is struggling in a toxic relationship needs.
Lee talked about the trauma men experience even after a toxic relationship ends, where even seeing the ex’s car would trigger anxiety.
He experienced anxiety about several things: leaving, going to the lawyer, being able to see the kids, and the dread of encountering his ex.
Lee says he can be someone to bounce ideas off for men going through this situation.
He knows professional people who can offer support if men are willing to consider those steps.
Future plans include bringing in professionals as guest speakers to help educate people on self-care and managing through difficult situations.
The Facebook group is not limited to people from Barrhead.
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